


Yearn to Remember

by NoirSongbird



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Shiro (Voltron), Fluff, M/M, Pre-Kerberos Relationship, SheithMonth2k17, angst with a sexy ending, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 12:53:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11760300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoirSongbird/pseuds/NoirSongbird
Summary: Keith and Shiro were lovers, briefly, before Shiro left on the Kerberos mission. But the damage done to his memory by his time in Galra captivity may have taken that from them.





	Yearn to Remember

**Author's Note:**

> So! Here's my entry for day 9 of Sheith Month, following the prompt "memories!" This was written before the ages were revealed so it's technically slightly AU but oh well. Please enjoy!

Having Shiro back was like waking from a terrible, terrible nightmare. Keith had barely thought it was possible. He’d come to a sort of numb acceptance that he would never see Shiro again, until he’d walked into that Garrison quarantine tent and there he was, unconscious and beautiful and  _ alive. _ It felt  _ right  _ that the mystical energy that drew him into the desert and then back to the Garrison would lead him, too, to Shiro’s side, which was exactly where he belonged.

When he woke, Keith had wanted to kiss him, but he held back, and...and that was when he began to suspect that not  _ all  _ of Shiro had come back.

They hadn’t been lovers proper for long before Shiro left for Kerberos, but Keith had loved Shiro practically from the moment they met. He wasn’t sure when Shiro had started seeing him that way too, but as best as he could tell, that didn’t matter anymore.

Shiro was back to treating him as a friend and nothing more. There were none of the little casual affectionate touches, none of the soft, warm words he’d come to crave - none of the casual ways that Shiro had shown he cared.

His memories of the previous year, Shiro had admitted, were fragmented, a result of Galra torture and trauma. Keith was beginning to fear that Shiro’s feelings for him, and his memories of their time together, were among the memories that were gone.

That was fine. Being Shiro’s lover had been a dream anyway, far too good to be true. Keith would accept standing by his side.

 

* * *

 

_ The knock on Keith’s door came late into the night.  _

_ Keith wasn’t expecting it - he’d started to get ready for bed after a long night of going over sim results to pick apart his flying. He stood up and opened the door, and was surprised by who was on the other side. _

_ “Shir -- mmph,” Keith started to greet him, but he was cut off by Shiro’s lips crashing into his. He didn’t bother questioning it - this was something he’d dreamt of, longed for, and he slung his arms around Shiro’s neck and leaned in. _

_ “I’m sorry,” Shiro said breathlessly when they parted. “I know this isn’t fair. I know I’m leaving. But I love you and I don’t want to leave without saying it.” _

_ “And you decided the best way was to show up here after midnight and kiss me breathless?” Keith asked. _

_ “I didn’t want to lose my nerve.” Shiro said. _

_ Keith laughed, and kissed him again. _

_ Shiro was gentle and caring and careful, and made him feel utterly worshipped, and Keith wouldn’t have traded it for the world. _

 

* * *

It was  _ hard.  _ All Keith wanted was to fling himself into Shiro’s arms and beg for him to take him back, but there was far too much going on. He couldn’t burden Shiro with his feelings; Shiro had enough on his plate leading Voltron and desperately trying to pull a team together out of five disparate pilots with little in common.

So Keith stepped back, fell into the role as Shiro’s friend and right hand, which was exactly where he’d been before the night Shiro turned up at his room and told him he loved him. It...hurt, to go back, but it was better.

Shiro needed to save the universe. It would be far too much to ask for him to give Keith what he so desperately wanted too. Keith knew he was needy, clingy, almost desperate for whatever scraps of affection Shiro threw his way, and he was sure he looked like a fool to the rest of the team, trailing at Shiro’s heels like a dog.

But it was all he could have. So he would take it. 

 

* * *

 

_ After Shiro’s confession, things changed. It had always felt just a little bit like Shiro was holding something back - like he was hesitating with every movement, overthinking. Not anymore.  _

_ Keith understood completely - he’d overthought every action and gesture too, the desperate agony of pining after someone. But now there was none of that; no hesitation at all in simple gestures of warmth and affection. People noticed, too. _

_ The first time Matt saw them together, Keith could tell he was watching closely. He watched Matt’s eyes flick between them, and then when Shiro reached over to casually push an errant bit of hair away from Keith’s face, he grinned like he’d just won the lottery. _

_ “You two finally got together,” he said. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Keith and Shiro exchanged a brief glance, and Shiro laughed nervously. _

_ “Is it that obvious?” He asked, a little guiltily.  _

_ “Yeah, it is,” Matt said. “ _ So  _ many people owe me  _ so  _ much money right now,” he shook his head, blatantly amused. Keith ducked his head and flushed, but that got a much less nervous laugh out of Shiro. _

_ “There was a  _ betting pool?”  _ Keith asked. _

_ “Of course there was, neither of you are subtle. At all.” Matt said. His expression softened from smug cheer to actual warmth. “But really, I’m happy for you guys.” _

_ “And so is your wallet, right?” Shiro teased. _

_ “Well, yeah,” Matt said. “That too. But really, it’s good. Shiro will do better in space knowing someone’s here waiting for him to come back.” _

_ “I’d be waiting anyway,” Keith said, without an ounce of hesitation. He glanced over, and the smile on Shiro’s face felt like basking in the warm light of the sun. _

 

* * *

The longer it went on, the more it hurt. Keith had forced himself to accept that things weren’t going back to the way they were, but every once in a while something would give him a flicker of hope. A touch that lingered a moment too long, a smile that felt more private than it should have.

It was awful. 

Keith kept being inches from addressing it, from  _ almost  _ asking Shiro what was going on, but there was always something else to do. They were, after all, paladins of Voltron, and the universe waited for no one.

So he just shoved it down, ignored it, pretended it didn’t bother him.

He could survive being alone. He’d done it before, he would do it again. Hell, he’d even survived losing Shiro before. 

(But this was different, because Shiro was  _ right here,  _ he just…didn’t remember.)

Keith found himself making excuses to spend as little time around Shiro as possible - and he knew there was no way the others noticed anything off, because he was the weird loner, and he just looked incredibly intense if he spent a lot of time in the training room.

It was there that Shiro finally caught him, and Keith wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

“Simulator off,” Shiro said, as he stepped through the door. Keith turned around, frowning.

“Do you need something?” He asked. “Has there been an attack?” Surely there would be sirens, or something, it wouldn’t just be Shiro sauntering into the training room. 

“I just wanted to talk to you,” Shiro said. “It’s been hard to get a minute alone.” Keith flinched, guiltily. That was...more than a little bit by design, and he felt bad about it.

“It’s been crazy,” he said, as a deflection. 

“It has,” Shiro said, and he seemed to be searching Keith’s face for...something. Keith wanted to hope, but...no. Shiro didn’t remember. He was still sure of that. As far as Shiro knew, they had just been friends. “Is everything okay with you?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Keith said, and he forced himself to sound confused, like he couldn’t even imagine why Shiro would ask. “Getting dropped in space and having to fight an alien empire wasn’t exactly how I thought I’d be spending my time, and it’s been a hell of an adjustment, but I’m good.”

“Are you sure?” Shiro asked, and his concern was so obvious it made Keith’s chest hurt. Part of him wanted to tell the truth -  _ ‘I’m not okay, I love you, and you used to love me too but you don’t remember’  _ \- but he couldn’t dump that on Shiro. Not now.

“I’m sure.” Keith said.

“Alright,” Shiro sounded unconvinced. “I still think you’ve spent enough time beating up robots for one day, though.”

“One more run,” Keith said, “and then I’ll be out. I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Shiro said.

He stayed through Keith’s entire simulator run, and he did indeed hold him to just one more - and when Shiro put a hand on his shoulder to get him to stop, he tried to convince himself that it was as good as a hug, or anything else.

He had to take what he could get, after all.

 

* * *

 

_ Shiro ran his fingers through Keith’s hair, and Keith snuggled against his chest. It was their last night together before Shiro left - for Kerberos, for the edge of the solar system, to go where no one had ever gone before. _

_ He would be gone for months, close to a year. Keith’s heart already ached thinking of the separation, and he wasn’t eager to let Shiro go.  _

_ “I know you have to leave,” he said, “but can you just...stay a little longer tonight?” _

_ “I’ll stay as long as I can,” Shiro agreed easily. “Are you gonna be okay while I’m gone?” _

_ “I’ll be fine,” Keith said. “I’ll miss you, and I know we won’t be able to stay in contact much, but I’ll be okay. I’ll follow all your mission reports.” Shiro leaned over and pressed his lips to Keith’s forehead. _

_ “Good. I’ll miss you too, you know.” He smiled. “It’s gonna get lonely out there without you.” _ _  
_

_ “I’ll be right here waiting for you,” Keith promised. “No matter what.” _

 

* * *

The knock on Keith’s door came, once again, late into the night. 

He opened the door, and there was Shiro, and he looked utterly exhausted. It felt so familiar, like an echo - part of him almost expected Shiro to grab him and kiss him again. 

“Can we talk?” Shiro asked, instead of doing so, and Keith forced himself not to be disappointed. Shiro didn’t have the same feelings for him anymore. That was  _ fine. _

“Yeah, sure,” Keith said, and he stepped out of the way to let Shiro into his room. The door shut behind him, and Shiro hovered near it, seeming to take a long moment to work himself up to whatever he was going to say.

“I…” Shiro exhaled. “Keith. When we were at the Garrison. Were we together?”

Keith swallowed.

This was the hard part. He could lie. He could say no, and let Shiro go, and that might even have been the right thing to do, because it had only been for a month or so anyway, and Shiro needed to be focused on the mission.

But he was selfish and lonely and desperate. 

“We were. Not for long, but we were.” Keith said, and he watched Shiro’s face for any sign of disgust or disturbance. Instead, he broke out into a smile.

“God, it almost felt like a dream. Too good to be true.” His voice was just barely audible, but it made Keith’s heart do a flip in his chest. “I didn’t...really remember a lot of the last few months before Kerberos, at first, but…” He shook his head. “I started to, when other things started coming back, and I wanted it to be real so badly, but you...didn’t seem…I thought you’d thought better of it. That you’d...realized it wasn’t what you wanted, while I was gone.”

Keith felt a painful surge of guilt.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, and he surged forward, resting his hands on either side of Shiro’s face. “I thought...you’d forgotten and…maybe it was better, that way, because you didn’t need to be worrying about me  _ and _ the whole universe. But I never stopped loving you. I never stopped wanting you. I swear.” He leaned in and kissed him fiercely, and Shiro froze for a moment, and then he leaned in, prosthetic arm wrapping around Keith’s waist and flesh one going to cup the back of his head. He let out a soft little sigh before deepening the kiss, and Keith groaned, holding on until he had to catch his breath.

“ _ Keith _ ,” Shiro said his name almost reverently, and then leaned in to kiss him again, and Keith let himself drown in everything that was Shiro. This was exactly what he had been missing. 

He let his hands wander lower, tracing over muscular shoulders, relearning the feel of Shiro under Keith’s hands. Shiro began backing towards the bed, pulling Keith with him, and Keith went eagerly, shoving Shiro backwards once they were close enough that he would land on the mattress. Shiro went, but Keith hesitated briefly.

“We don’t have to do this right now,” he said, because it was only right to give Shiro an obvious chance to say no.   


“We’ve both waited a year, Keith, I think we’ve waited long enough,” Shiro said, and Keith grinned. 

“Good,” he said, and then he climbed onto the bed, straddling Shiro’s hips and working his belt open while Shiro pushed off Keith’s jacket and pulled his shirt over his head. Once Keith pulled Shiro’s shirt off and tossed it aside, Shiro dragged him in for a long, heated kiss that only got more so as more articles of clothing were removed.

Shiro only broke away once most if their clothes were tossed haphazardly on the floor, and his eyes held Keith’s, dark and smoldering.

“I want you to fuck me,” he said, and Keith groaned.

“Whatever you want,” Keith said, leaning in to kiss Shiro again. He pressed his hands against Shiro’s chest, laying him down on the bed, and then stood up. He ducked into the bathroom, where he’d tossed his bottle of lube after his last desperate, sad shower wank, and fished it out, and then ducked back into the room. “I, uh, don’t have condoms, but,” he held up the lube, looking embarrassed. “Last time we stopped for supplies…”

“There’s one in my pocket,” Shiro said, very quickly. “I, uh, got it at the same time.”

“Oh,” Keith blinked, and then he gave Shiro a brief grin and waggled his eyebrows, and Shiro grabbed the pillow off his bed and threw it at him. 

“I was hopeful, alright?” Shiro said. “I could always throw them away later, but…”

“Yeah,” Keith said, fishing the packet out of Shiro’s pocket. “I get it, I promise.” It looked pretty much like an Earth condom, which he supposed told him more about alien biology (and maybe something about convergent evolution, or something like that) than he had ever really thought about knowing. He tore the packet open and rolled the condom on, and then regarded the pillow on the floor and Shiro splayed out on the bed.

“Hey, Shiro?” Keith picked the pillow back up. “I want to see your face, this time.” 

“Okay,” Shiro said, and he lifted his hips up so Keith could slide the pillow under them. Keith settled in between Shiro’s thighs, and he began to work him open slowly, eyes on his face the entire time. Shiro was beautiful flushed and wanting, hips canting forward to press against Keith’s fingers, and his hand came up to muffle his moans. Keith reached his free hand over and pulled Shiro’s away from his mouth, holding it over his head. 

“I want to hear you, too,” he said, and crooked his fingers to press against Shiro’s prostate, and Shiro moaned, grinding down against Keith’s hand. 

“What if the rest of them hear?” Shiro asked.

“Let them, we’re not at the Garrison anymore, it doesn’t have to be a secret,” Keith said. “I’m pretty sure these rooms are soundproofed anyway.” He stretched his fingers wide, and Shiro shuddered. “Do you think you’re ready?” He asked. Shiro nodded mutely, and Keith removed his fingers, pouring some more lube onto his palm and spreading ti over his cock before slowly working his way into Shiro. 

“ _ Keith,”  _ Shiro moaned his name as he bottomed out, and Keith moaned out a desperate  _ “Shiro”  _ in response. 

It was better than he remembered. Memory couldn’t properly capture Shiro splayed out on the bed, eyes dark with pleasure. Memory couldn’t properly hold onto the way Shiro said his name as Keith moved inside him, or the way he cried out when Keith shifted to just the right angle to hit his prostate. 

“Keith, Keith,  _ please,”  _ he gasped needily. Keith squeezed his hand, and wrapped the other around Shiro’s cock, stroking it in time with his thrusts.

“I’ve got you,” he breathed, and then he leaned down to claim Shiro’s lips in a kiss, muffling his moans as Keith picked up his pace. Shiro’s metal hand twisted in Keith’s hair, holding him in the kiss until they were both coming, Shiro’s spend messily coating them. Only then did he let go, and Keith sat back, taking a moment to breathe and take in the sight of Shiro underneath him, spent and beautiful.

“God,” he said, “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Shiro replied. 

They would have to clean up, eventually, but for the moment Keith was content to just lay down next to Shiro, basking in knowing that there were a million more memories to make.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr at [noirsongbird!](http://noirsongbird.tumblr.com/)


End file.
